55 posts tagged “rantn & ravn”

so i went to visit the kung fu place today, i left at around 5 and came back at like 10:30.  its was about 2 hours commute for both ways, and the class was 2 hours. just watched basically, but i liked it.
the only thing thats making me hesitate is the whole commute deal, going downtown 2-3 times a week for it.
but then, i think if i don't do it, i'll regret it later. the is one of the only places that teaches white crane kung fu, the others being in toronto, new york and malaysia.
nuts.
stupid commute.

all the stuff i forgot about high school.
i saw taylor quinn's facebook profile picture, and its with this little baby. and then i was asking myself, "who's baby is it?"
and then i remember that rumor that was going around senior year that he got this girl pregnant and that he was going to keep the baby.
good for him, at least he's being responsible.
after being irresponsible.
better late than never.
but who am i to judge?

the sudden weather change from sunny california to freezing montreal is really wearing down my body.
i have dry rashes, the skin on my lower legs are cracking, and my heels, don't even get me started.
fk, now i have to look forward to putting on lotion for an hour every night >:(

i only have like 4 more days until i go back.
i haven't hung out like with any of my friends, like hang out hang out, just saw rachel and erilyn before i left for cabo.
damn.
time passed by so fast :(
all i can do though is haul ass, get all the shit i need to get done and conjure up some time to hang out with the people i want to, no, HAVE to see before i leave.
i have this urgency, i guess its kinda tinted with desperation, but i really really need to see them before i go.
i'll have to suffer through another 4 months without them being near.
i feel like if i don't...i don't know.
i just have to see them.

damn. i am in such a bad mood.
i don't feel like studying AT ALL! i mean, yah, most people don't want to, but usually i can just whatever and take the bull by the horns.
but today, am  trying to do everything and find every single little excuse not to study.
i don't feel like talking to anyone
i don't feel like leaving my room
all i feel like doing is eating and sleeping.
but i can't eat because i ate already.
and i had way too much sleep already.
the fact that my comp is still kinda not working like it used to is pissing me off.
and
ugh.
i feel like shit.

then again, i'm expecting my period to arrive soon.
maybe thats it.
well whatever is causing this
FK YOU!

the only thing that is slightly lightening my mood is listening to music.
i love you music.

fk you period and crazy uncontrollable hormones,
you're making me into a pissy bitch >:(

girl on the fourth floor, your a fkn bitch.
its not like i left the door open, so the washer shouldn't fkn bother you. and btw, not everyone on your floor was asleep, half of them probably can't hear the washer running because they're asleep you fktard.
next time i see you, omg, i don't know, i'll send you the alex glare.
damn, that made me so angry >:(

in order for me to get a credit card, i have to send in some documents, and i wasn't notified until last week. so after going down to my bank to submit it, and told that it would be faxed right away and that i would recieve my card by the end of the week, i didn't. so i called today to check and see whats going on. and apparently they didn't recieve the document which is the only thing keeping my credit card from being sent out to me.
sooo i call my bank and apparently they sent it to the wrong department those dumbasses, so they sent it again today to the right one. of course, i can't trust them, so i call the credit card company to make sure, bitch and complain and hopefully get it rush ordered to me.  so i get this really arrogant sounding man who couldn't really give a shit, and i complained to him and asked him to get it rush ordered. but it would cost an extra $25. and you know what this bitch tells me? he tells me that the credit card is a privilege and that basically they don't have to give me the credit card.
are you fucking kidding me??! its not like i have bad credit or whatever, i could probably get a credit card at a shit load of other companies, and you tell me that I'M the one who should be thankful that i'm actually getting one?! i'm the customer you dumb ass!  and he says that the normal turn around rate is 1 month, and that i'm actually receiving it within the time frame. but the problem is, is that i would've have gotten it by now if you guys didn't fuck up or at least kept tabs on my application so that i receive it in a timely fashion.  i've basically had to call every week and stay on hold for about an hour every week just to get to the right person and to make sure you guys are getting what i need done. 
this is fkn ridiculous. this never would happen in the US, and if it did, they wouldn't be talking back to me on the phone.  stupid canadian arrogance >:(

today was definitely not one of my best days.
probably one of my worst days :/
it began like 12 am in the morning, when i was coming back from finishing my lab report and literally dropped, bumped into, crashed, slipped, clunked and thumped into about everything possible before going to bed. thank god my roomie was sleeping deeply :/
and then i accidentally spill a whole bunch of yeast glucose mixture in my lab and end up breaking off the top of a glass pipette with my hand :(
add that to the fact that i lost my mcgill id card, and had to borrow my azn friend's to get on the downtown shuttle,
left my wallet on my bed because i was so distraught over losing it and ended up looking everywhere in my room for it, even underneath my bed where the dustbunnies live. 
to top that off, today was the biggest sale i've seen since i've come here, almost every single store had sales, like huge sales. h&m had half off fall coats, discounts everywhere, urban outfitters had a crazy sale where most things were around $10, and the best one (bad for me :() was at buffalo, where the entire store was 40% off, including the new merchandise. because i left my wallet at home i couldn't buy a single thing :(
and even better, i left my bus pass in my wallet to, so i had to buy an unnecessary ticket to get back home.
fk.

i feel as if i am losing my ability to speak and write english as well and proficiently as i did before i came here.
when i was on the phone with my sister, i said some retarded phrase that made no sense.
when i went to write my bio report, i had to catch myself from writing stupid lame and elementary school sentences.
when i speak to other people its the same kinda thing.
ugh.
maybe its the fact that i haven't read a single piece of good literature since i came here because i've had no time.
or the fact that i'm surrounded by a bunch of people who speak english as a second or third language
or the fact that most people speak quebecois
or the fact that i just haven't really written anything to turn in since i got out of high school
or the fact that i can't take a single social studies class here because my major doesn't allow me to and the campus doesn't even offer it
or the fact that maybe i'm just turning stupid.

i've been feeling stupid lately.
the fact that i told my physics prof that the test had the hardest problems on it from homework and she said how it was "the easier problems that were very straightforward"
or the fact that my dumb blondeness is finally rearing its ugly head
or the fact that i feel like i'm ill prepared for about half of my midterms
or the fact that i feel like i'm losing my ability to write well and speak well

ugh, my head and my self esteem :(

you know what else?
i haven't been able to do a single thing i set out to do when i came here.
i haven't been able to join the fencing team
i haven't been able to get on the mcgill radio station
i haven't been able to join the kendo team
i haven't been able to take a foreign language class
or an english class
or any classes that allow me to explore other areas of study.

i've just finished reading over some of the past few months' blog entries
and i think i am a total sap. i guess its not bad, its who i am, i guess i'm just sappy by nature. but i haven't been able to feel that sappy lately. and it shows in my blogs to. most of my blogs lately have been complaints or commentary. a few on anger and maybe one on positive feelings.  maybe i'm hardening into a cold emotionless piece of rock?
it seems like most of the blogs i've written up until now since i've arrived are ways for me to release stress, versus the ones before when i was in high school or in the summer were written solely to express feelings in their fullest form. sounds kind of the same, but they're completely different. in a way i feel like i'm losing a part of myself. the part that could say anything i felt or wanted to get out in a way that made people feel what i felt.  i feel like my creative juices are running out, draining out of my body, drop by drop into the mass of math and science that i have to do day in and day out.  the only opportunity for me to use my creativity in my major is when i get down to designing mechanisms and systems and actually build them so that they work.  but thats a completely different kind of creativity, its a creativty that is bound by the constraints of the system, the order, the boss, the budget, the rules, by reality.  creativity that is used to write or to create music or to paint a picture, is a gushing brightly colored fountain, that can shoot as high as the sky, enough to flood the earth, boundless.

ugh again.
even writing this makes me feel inadequate because of how much it sounds like some junior high school student wrote it :/

wow.
i mean seriously, how stupid can you get?
i know i've been up here this whole time during all the political campaigning and hubbub in the united states, so i really don't have too much knowledge on whats going on right now, but come on sarah palin. not even knowing that you didn't really star in a documentary called Hustlers Nailin Palin? wow, you've got to be kidding me. not ragging on the republicans, but this definitely does not bode well for Campaign McCain.
ironically, it was by some comedians here in Montreal :/

its funny how the past presidential elections for Canada (a couple of weeks ago) mainly relied on American politics, American economy and American relations.

k, enough of that.