7 posts tagged “boysboysboys”
that i'm in university.
and all the things that come with it.
its only been like 2 weeks since classes started, and i already have midterms in like the next couple of weeks.
on top of that, i am like lost in at least one of my classes, i have a shit load of work sitting and rotting on my computer, and i don't know where to begin.
the good thing though is that i'm keeping to my diet pretty well, although i have indulged in a couple of cookies and a few meals that consist of something more than a piece of meat and vegetables. kung fu is great. it prevents me from walking properly at times, but i think its helping me lean out.
well hopefully. i haven't checked a scale since i left the states, but i feel like a lot of the fat isn't there anymore.
hopefully i'm right and not just lying to myself.
and the guy i have a small crush on?
i really want to go and talk to him again, but we make eye contact like all the time and he doesn't say a word to me. so i'm getting the feeling that maybe he isn't interested.
man :(
am i going to sleep past 10 on a school day. no matter how late my class is. ugh, i felt like i hadn't gotten an ounce of sleep even though i slept like 7 hours. and i ended up almost falling asleep in every single one of my classes :/
i don't feel like talking to drunk guys. i feel like talking to sober guys who aren't acting like stupid idiots all the time and actually care about doing something.
i like that at least theres one person i can talk to about more important things than "where are you going to go after school?" stuff.
one of my newly made friends on my floor is going out with this chinese guy (ugh, not good looking at all) and she wants me to meet his younger brother (who is slightly good looking in an odd way, but then thats based on facebook pictures :/) so apparently i'm invited to their house on sunday to celebrate some chinese holiday. i don't know what it is, but it seems to be around moon festival time, so maybe thats it.
tons of free chinese food, and some contact with chinese people.
theres only one chinese person on my floor i actually talk to on a daily basis.
finding out that this not-too-good-looking guy she wants to hook me up with is better than i will be expecting would be a big plus.
hey, a girl can hope can't she? :D
so last night i had a dream that i got poisoned by a huge ass snake and that i died.
in chinese, according to my mom, death is good, and snakes are bad. snakes represent shiau ren, or literally translated, little people. and little people are people who are out to harm you.
so that was weird, because it was super real and all that stuff.
second weird thing,
i went to borders to buy kite runner, and i forgot my 30% off coupon at home, but by the time i found out i was already paying at the cash register. so i was like, heck with it, whatever, i'll just buy it now. so i get into the car, and i realize that i could have saved $5 if i used it, so then i just HAD to return it. so i ran into the store and got in line behind this mixed family, the mom was some kind of asian, probably viet, and the father was french. and they had two of the most beautiful little girls ever. I didn't know they were french until the dad kept telling the youngest daughter that the bag she wanted to buy was "a la maison". omg, they were so cuuutteee!!!! and the dad was super patient with the daughter who was running around and grabbing things off of the displays.
and earlier that day, i was talking to my sister about what kind of boyfriend i wanted to have, and then i ticked off qualities etc. top choice, i want a chinese guy who doesn't look typical chinese. number 2, i want a white/chinese mix guy. number 3, if it ends up as a white guy, he has to be like beyond hot and good and perfect, because i'd much prefer my own ethnicity over others. but my sister, and a whole bunch of other people (ahem, i think including my mom), want me to marry a white guy so that i can have beautiful kids, and i told her, eh, i don't really care too much about that.
but heh, maybe now i do.
To everyone who told me "Good for you Alex, FINALLY.", "Go for it Alex." and "OMG ALEX! I WANT TO BE THERE TO SUPPORT YOU!!! CALL ME IF AND WHEN IT HAPPENS!!"
Thank you for that.
I drank a large sized boba milk tea that came with my 99 ranch market combo, ate MSG
loaded chinese fried fish and drank just a sip of Australian wine.
BAM!
instant caffeine rush that didn't wear out until 2 AM this morning, so it went for about 7 hours, and even when i woke up, i was still feeling hyper. my super sensitivity to caffeine made it worse, and when i got to 0 period (6:30 AM) i was literally bouncing off the walls.
so u know what i did until 2 AM?
i rolled around in bed, thinking about this year long crush i've had on Anonymous Alcoholic, and finally doing something about it. and then i made a spontaneous decision to just tell him. and then i was fighting with myself, back and forth, thinking how crazy i am to even think about doing it, but after i thought it through, there was no way i would be able to NOT tryto do something about it, because now that i had thought of the plan, it felt like i had to carry it all the way through.
then i woke up in the morning after a 3 hour sleep, and kinda got my senses back, but that didn't do anything to my resolve. whatever it took.
i was going to do it.
today.
after school.
i got his number from Carlos, and i told carlos about me going to tell him, and carlos told me, "you've got nothing to lose."
i texted Anonymous after 5th period, got nothing back, then i called him when i got home. he picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hi Anonymous, its Alex, Alex Chan."
"Oh, hey, whats up?"
"I was wondering if you had some time today. I have to tell you something."
"Can you just tell me now?"
"Well, what are you doing right now?"
"I'm with some friends."
"Oh,no, its something I have to tell you in person. When will you be free?"
"Could you call me back in 2-3 hours? My phone battery is dying."
"Ok, so i'll call you back at 5?"
"Yah."
"Bye." >CLICK<
then i take like a 2 hour nap, and wake up at around 4:30, and decide to call him then. I hear the dial tone for about 30 seconds and then voicemail.
I call Carlos, and ask him.
"Carlos? Is Anonymous the type of person who would...shrug people off?"
"Umm...yeah, he might."
I sighed, "Oh, Ok..."
"I said that he might, might." i smiled, carlos is such a good guy.
"Yah...thanks Carlos." and i hung up.
i call Anonymous again, and left a message.
"Hey Anonymous. I'm going to assume that something's up with your phone or something. I just wanted to know if maybe when you get this, you can call me back, and we can meet up somewhere like Starbucks so i can tell you. Ok. Could you call me back as soon as possible? because i don't want to think that you shrugged me off. bye."
i waited. and waited. and everytime i passed by my desk, i checked my phone to see if i had any missed calls. but there was nothing.
and then i gave up. if he didn't even want to call me back, he definitely was the jerk ryan and rachel described him to be. and he definitely did not deserve for me to even take the time to tell him. but i didn't get angry like i should have. i should have been furious, pissed, enraged, that he wouldn't call.
but i wasn't. instead i spread myself out on my bed, closed my eyes and thought for half an hour.
and i was sad.
my cell phone rings.
i check caller id. its him.
i pick it up.
"Hey Anonymous!" I tried to make my voice sound light.
"Hey, sorry I didn't call you, I was sleeping."
"Oh, no its alright.." and then my phone reception kills the call. Dammit.
I call him from my home phone.
"hey, sorry about that, my cell phone has bad reception."
"its alright."
"its too late now, so i can't go out."
"Could you just tell me now? over the phone? Because i don't know when i will have free time to talk to you."
"I..." and then i stopped to think.
"hello?"
"yah, i'm still here, I just need to think." i didn't want him to wait too long for me to answer but i didn't know what to do.
"You know, i'm just going to say it. ok. hold on." and i waited again, gathered my courage, my voice was shaking so i lay down on the carpet.
"Ok. I'm starting."
I wanted to tell him how long i've had a crush on him, and how even though i never even talked to him now, i still liked him, and it was driving me fkn crazy. it was pissing me off, because he was still in my head, even after no contact for half a year. i wanted to tell him that even though my friends tried to tell me that he was a big jerk and didn't deserve my liking him, i never agreed. I wanted to tell him that he made me feel nervous, and that i never acted myself when i was around him. I wanted him to promise me that he wouldn't tell anyone about what i'd said and that he would forget about it after i was done. because all i wanted was to get it out, get it out of my head, because nothing else seemed to work, and the only way i thought i could really kill it was to tell the person to his face.
but i didn't.
"I've had a crush on you for a really long time. I mean, I don't even talk to you, the last time I talked to you was last year, but I still like you, and its been driving me crazy. So i wanted to tell you so that maybe by telling you, i would be able to let it out. and get over it."
A pause.
"Well, I like someone else, but.." and i interrupted.
"We don't even talk."
"Yah, like I don't even see you at all."
and it felt like the weight fell from my shoulders.
"I just wanted to tell you, more for my benefit, because i like you even though we don't talk and its been pissing me off. So, yah, i didn't really expect anything because of that, i didn't see anything happening or going anywhere."
"Its good though, i understand what you're talking about."
I let out a deep breath.
"That felt good."
"Yah, i mean, sometimes you just have to let it out, and you can't keep it in. I'm glad you told me."
"Thanks Abeer."
"Hey, whenever you feel like you need to talk, just call me, or when you see me, say hi."
another pause.
"Thanks for listening Abeer."
"No problem."
"Bye."
"bye."
I went upstairs, still shaking, still nervous, still tense. I flopped down into my computer chair and unwound.
i smiled to myself. I felt unbelievably good, about what, i don't know, it doesn't matter, it just felt better. but a split second later, (i guess it must be my slow reaction time), my eyes began to burn and tear. and i asked myself why. first time being indirectly rejected? even though i wasn't really looking for an answer, but rejected nonetheless. and it made me sad for a moment.
and then it stopped, went away, leaving only the good feelings behind.
which spread.
this must be what "bittersweet" really means.
i've been feeling like a fkn bitch lately. i haven't fully recovered from my cold yet. and i have shit homework to do all weekend. my entire family keeps ragging on me, telling me that i'm arrogant and over confident. don't they know that i say those kind of things to get laughs? i noticed people think its funny when i make those kind of "i can whoop your ass in kendo" comments. but i know that they know that i don't mean it to be all condescending and shit. but if its getting on their nerves, i'm pretty sure they will tell me. my friends know that i'm modest and i do that for kicks.
thats all for that.
and then i visited jenna on friday to give her some mrs. fields cookies :D see, she's been having some viral headaches since like the second week of school and she literally comes to school/certain periods whenever she feels ok, and thats pretty rare :( so i decided to give her some get well food. :D and since i always like to eat chocolate chip cookies and milk when i'm feeling down, i bought her some of the best cookies ever on earth :D
then i went to deliver it in ...DUN DUN DUUN!! carbon canyon. and i've never driven there before, so i was kinda nervous driving there, but it was pretty fun, driving all those curves, made me feel like a race car driver :D:D
so jenna ended up showing me her bunnies and her dogs got out of the house, and since the yards aren't really fenced off, they ran off and went "exploring" all up and down the main street to her house. so we ended up driving all the way up and down trying to find rusty and frieda :D they're the cutest dogs ever!!!
she'd better get well soon, because its less fun without her in french :(
and i found out all of my grades too, and i'm really happy about all of them (even the D + that will be an A+ soon).
English-B Econ-B (ridikulus!) Gov-A French-A Physics-A TA-A Calc-D+
and you know what else?
my sister is hoping that i get a boyfriend this year. but in this school, its not that easy because most of the guys i'm interested in are either a.)jerks b.)taken c.)pussies d.)don't like me
i guess i'm just waiting for that guy, the one who'll sweep me off my feet, blow me away, take my breath away, charm the socks off of me, who'll make me fall fall head over heels for, and most importantly, feels that way about me too.
my sister was vacuuming her room and when she switched the vacuum cleaner off, i saw this little thing showing through the plastic canister, where all the crap goes. Adrienne pointed it out and told me, "Look closer! I caught a dust bunny while i was vacuuming!" i was like, she must be talking about a huge ball of dust, but then after i examined the little white bunny, i went, oh shiiett!!! they are real!!!!!!!. heres a pic of it, some proof for all you nonbelievers...
adrienne was at the japanese akimatsuri festival all day, and they have this one game, where they give you rice paper flimsy little plastic net/catchers to try and get goldfish in this little pool thing. they have a lot of little 1 inch skinny fish, and then they have this 3 inch, huge ass fish swimming around to lure people in. adrienne ended up winning the biggeset fish in the pond (by luck) and shes keeping it in this big jar we have. those fish poop so dam much, they're literally swimming in it. i hope they stay alive until morning.
and instead of going to homecoming (sigh*) i ended up going to this company dinner party for one of my mom's coworkers at his house. i've been there once before, and he has two daughters, one around 16 and the other is like 11? something like that. and you'd think i'd be able to get along with the older one, but last time i came, all of her friends were there, and when i tried to get in and socialize/introduce myself, they were pretty bitchy/ignoring me about it. even she was, Jessica. so my first time there was spent being pretty miserable for about 4-5 hours, either sitting with the adults drinking and just listening to them talk about adult stuff, or sitting up in the computer room watching them go on myspace or world of warcraft.
so i really wasn't looking forward to going today, i just went because Uncle Ron (my mom's boss) was bringing his kids(they're 5 and 6, John and Paul), and they are left out too and i kinda babysit them, and to keep them company.
but today was a different story. jessica i guess was acting more herself or something, but she invited me to go outside and play with them (they were all screwing around and doing stupid stuff) and it went better from then. so it was barely tolerable today :D thank you jessica :D:D
oh and did i mention? her step brother is an 18 year old hottie who goes to chaffey college studying man nursing. i saw him last time i went, but didn't have the guts to talk to him, but today, i actually had a real conversation with him :D:D FUCK YES!!!!! omg, hes really my type, if he asked me out right then and there, i would have said YESSS!!!!! and he's fkn hot/handsome/sexy/cute all that stuff. :S
but unfortunately he has a girlfriend that he mentioned atleast twice (maybe i gave him the impression that i was flirting with him?probably. i was really close to asking him if he had a girlfriend) and he seems pretty devoted to her (which is also another HUGE plus, hes not a player :D:D) if i had a camera phone, i would've taken a picture, but i don't. :( and i couldn't get a picture of John and Paul.
DAMMIT!
btw, the dust bunny is a drawing Adrienne drew and left on the ground. it just happened to get sucked up :P
anyways, if he ever becomes interested in me, shit, i'll be his girlfriend anytime :D:D:D:D
Apparently, some junior guys in the class I TA in like me. My sister told me about one, and the other one was trying to flirt with me. Ok, I appreciate it and stuff, but i think of the first guy like a little brother, and the second guy is kind of a jerk i guess? and im not interested in guys younger than me either, although I always find out that the guys who like me are younger :( maybe its because the senior guys have too big of egos or something?
I met this guy in my drivers training class who's a sophomore in college, he goes to UCSD, and he was pretty cute :D He was probably the first real guy to try to "engage" me, and we shook hands when he got dropped off by my teacher and his hands were all sweaty. Didn't exchange numbers or anything though, it just goes to show that im too mature for guys my age i guess.
Since this is my last year in high school, I kinda always wondered if i should be pushing myself to get a boyfriend, a couple of my friends already want to hook me up with people or take me to parties to meet people, which is really nice :D:D but i probably won't even be able to go or something like that. but then i want to be the one who gets approached, asked out, not vice versa :(
and i've always just wanted to tell all of my previous crushes that i liked them before, just to see what they would say. i probably will do it, like at the end of the year, when i know i wont see any of them anymore. this, up to now, probably would only apply to ar and aa. am i the only one who feels like i have to have the guts to approach guys for anything to happen? are all the guys in ayala pussies or what?
In math, i think im grasping the topics pretty well, but when i did the quiz today, i fkn blanked out like usual (this usually happens with all and any kind of math tests quizzes etc) so i probably got 3 right out of 5.
This is going to be the last rant against my econ class that i got switched into, i've been making faces to Sneha, whos my study buddy, everytime Kleibacker mentions that we're in Hilary's group for the Econ Summit. I'm starting to feel bad, but not really, because if she's still the same as in Junior High, she is going to be a fkn pain in the a$$ to work with. And we're supposed to exchange emails and stuff like that, and i really don't want to give her my number.
I also really wanted to have a chance to win the Econ summit, but you know what? Our groups going to be in the 5, just watch :D:D
I hope.
and to the boy thing
i know things will work out the best way it could for me :D:D:D
