2 posts tagged “be afraid very afraid”

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ehhh sooo

so i'm friends with these germans, they come from all over germany, and we were talking about me visiting them and them visiting me (apparently LA is a huge thing in germany), which i really would love to do. we were all getting excited and all that stuff.
and we got to the point of getting serious about it, and when to get tickets.
but i'm a little apprehensive.
first off, i don't know what will happen between now and the end of the year, two of them are leaving at the end of the first semester, will i still want to go? will they still want me to come? things have changed so much since the first day of september, i hope not, but in order for me to plan, i have to start soon :/
and when they come to LA, i will have to prepare, since i will basically be driving my parents car if i take them out, and pay for gas, and that means i have to get some money, which means getting a job, and if i get a job, i won't really be able to take them out, and if i can't take them out, they're basically stuck in the hotel or wherever they are going to stay.
this is when i wish i really had my own place to stay. asking my parents to host three girls is going to be pretty hectic and stressful and especially, make them angry at me just for even thinking of asking.
and when i go to germany, or europe for that matter, i have to get money from somewhere, and i don't have a job.
my parents know how i want to go eurotripping this summer, and they told me that whatever scholarship money i get, they will match it.
but the hard part is that i live in canada and go to a canadian school and all the scholarship sites i know are for US, and the Canadian scholarships i have no idea about.
man.
my dreams are being shot down one by one because a stupid thing like money. or lack thereof.
well this is what i plan on doing if i can do it
since my school ends in april, i have several options
my aunt wants to go to paris with me, but i don't know when
jenna has an aunt who has a house in the french countryside
pam has an apartment in germany

so i'm thinking, go to paris first, then to jenna's place, then somewhere else, i don't know where, and then by then it will be mid june, when my german friends are done with their school, and then one week at each of their places, one week at valerie's (frankfurt), one week at thea's (frankfurt), then one week at muege's (kolon) and then we all take the same flight back to the states, where i will take them out for maybe a week or so.

please dreams come true.

Post a comment Tags: hopes & dreams, mon amis, be afraid very afraid

College. Again.

At first I was ecstatic about leaving home, starting my own life, doing what I want whenever I want wherever I want, but then, it really hit me.

All my best friends, and others who are really close to me, want to stay in California.  They really don’t want to even leave the city. I guess they plan on living with their parents for the first year or something.  But thats completely different for me.  I can’t wait until summer ends of senior year and I’m on a one way flight to Boston.  But then I wouldn’t see my friends until Christmas or Spring Break.

Ryan’s been with me ever since 8th grade, and Rachel’s been with me since Freshmen year.  I’ve spent countless lunches with them, countless times cheering them up and being cheered up by them, and countless hours laughing, talking. Connecting.

Even now, after not seeing either of them since a couple of weeks ago, I miss them.   To break it off, with a 5 month absence, would really hurt me.  Rachel told me one time, “So you’re set on going to the East Coast huh?  You’re going to find someone to replace me and Ryan.”  and I adamantly reassured her that it wouldn’t happen.  Not ever.

“I may find someone with similar stuff as you two, but NO ONE could EVER replace you guys.”

So that’s what I’m afraid of.  Ryan, I wrote this after reading your blog.  Because it reminded me of what will have to happen when we all leave, or stay, and go out into society, reality, the real world.

But I think, no, I know that even after 5 months of not seeing them, they’ll be waiting for me at the airport, a little older, a little bit more mature then when I’d left them, smiling back at me.

Post a comment Tags: college, mon amis, be afraid very afraid